Sunday, October 27, 2013

Everything counts.


Halloweenie Haul 1
Originally uploaded by Nix Sidhe

I suppose deep down inside it never really goes away, this struggle for balance. I work my full time day job and do my best to remain motivated to create in any off time I have. Do I not want it enough? Am I not motivated enough? Bukowski wrote about how when you explain away how conditions are not perfect for you to be creative you're just making excuses. If you want it badly enough you'll make it happen not matter what stands in your way. A local artist who's work I very much enjoy recently passed his 5 year anniversary of quitting a call center job and working full-time at his art and illustration. That seems so amazing to me. What a leap. To walk away from the place where you're renting your time, your body, your energy. To no longer spend more time wasting away for an employer and instead do what your heart wants to do. The thought of it makes me feel giddy.

Though, I can't help but worry, even if I were afforded that luxury of no longer having to get up every single morning and spend 10 hrs of every week day at a desk renting my body and energy, do I have the will to make my hobby my "Real Job?" I can't help but mentally list off all the things I'm awful at; pricing my pieces based on the amount of work I put into them, standing firm on those prices, remaining motivated when I have a large number of tedious tasks, staying positive.

I then wonder if I would want my sewing to become my job. Would having to work on items versus wanting to ruin the joy I feel in making them? Is that another excuse? This cyclical process is constantly running through my mind, along with a chorus of "Just shut down your online store, stop trying, just stop."

I don't really know where I was going with this entry, other than just a stream of consciousness and an attempt at getting some of this out of my head and out into the open to better review it.

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